Reflection on a Year

I'm contemplating time tonight. I have been trapped in a Facebook black hole for part of this evening, digging up memories that I had buried for the past year. A year. I can't believe how long a year can feel. The past year for me has felt like the longest one of my life. Last summer, on July 19, Alex had not yet been fired (I believe it came the next day..), we had a whole different group of friends that has since scattered, I was half way done with my pregnancy, and we didn't have even an inkling of what our lives would look like merely a month later.

That bump!

Prepping a house to sell is a lot of work!

When I think about my life now, my friends, our church, my son...I am overwhelmed. Last summer I did not even know that life could be this sweet. That I would have friendships with people, with women, who I admire so deeply, trust so innately, relate to so immediately. I didn't know Alex would find work at a place where we feel accepted, appreciated, loved and where we feel so much respect for the leadership. I didn't know I would live in the most beautiful, small town with a tight knit community, that is a couple hours from my family. I didn't know how magical motherhood was, how much Emmett would change everything. I didn't know how special it would be to see my parents become grandparents. To see Alex become a dad.

I have never been as fulfilled with a deep sense of joy as I am at this stage of life. I want to remember this. I want this post to be a record of this time, because I know it won't last forever. I know I'm on a mountain right now, and that the valley will come. I want to look back at this when life feels like it's crumbling, when I go through a hard time, and remember how much God loves me and provides for every need, even ones I am unaware of.

A year ago, life crumbled. It was only because of that crumbling that God rebuilt my life and blessed me with a peace that seemed impossible in the midst of the destruction. I lost so many things that at the time seemed good, just to discover that God had great waiting. God had a place for us where we fit. Not where we had to pretend to be something else, or hide our beliefs or force ourselves to connect with certain people. He gave us a place where we are not alone. We are surrounded by friends who inspire us and help us grow and embrace us and share in our beliefs. Our son is loved by these wonderful people who we've only known for a handful of months. We are loved.

This is a thank you. It's a thank God. I am so undeserving and He gives us so much. I am unworthy and He has filled me up.

Time is doing that pesky thing where it speeds by and crawls at the same time. This year has been so full of change, it has felt so long, simply because everything about my life seems to be different than a year ago. But, of course, it also feels like it passed in the blink of an eye. I remember sitting in my empty house in Kansas about 11 months ago, sobbing a guttural cry because of everything that we had lost. I cried so deeply I would lose my voice. I felt so betrayed, so unloved, so hurt by people we had invested in for over a year. I felt this huge weight of injustice. I felt like I never wanted to go back to a church, like I couldn't trust anyone, like I didn't want to. I remember being so scared of passing the stress of my life to Emmett, growing in me. I remember hating the people that treated us like we were disposable. I felt devastated that we were having to "regress" in our adult lives. Live off of the charity of my family, enter into parenthood with uncertainties.

How could I, in one year, go from this valley to this summit? Only God. I am in awe of the change. Of the opportunities he presented us with. The friends, the jobs, the beauty of Big Bear. This place is healing and He brought us here, just like He does with so many of the people who end up in this small forest town. Last year I lived in a holler, and now I'm on a mountain and that is no coincidence. All I can do is praise.

|| Posted by Kate ||

Have You Heard the News? (Everyone’s Talking) Life is Good, cause...

So, the word is out. And it’s true, I’m a pastor again. And there are so many stories I want to share about how it all happened, and what happened, and why it happened… ya know, the happenings, but I am finishing up my finals for the Winter Quarter at Fuller, so I’ll keep this post brief (I just finished the post, and realized it’s not brief at all… sorry).

Back when I got ordained I got a nice fancy piece of paper that said “Alex Jackson is hereby ordained as a Minister of the Gospel”, one of the ladies at the church even took time to decorate it with glitter markers so you knew it was really extra special. When you go through an ordination process it requires that you really consider what God has called you to do, and when I was ordained I knew that it wasn’t just for one church, and it wasn’t just as a Youth Pastor, it was forever. From that day on I was a Minister of the Gospel, no matter the circumstances. It was a call I received from God, and you can’t just be un-called. It’s not like Jonah was chilling in the whale thinking “great! I totally got out of that mess! Now I’ll never have to go to Nineveh.” No, it was more like “well… I guess God does get what He wants.”

But let me tell ya, these last few months tested that to my very core. As I attended Fuller I kept on having to write about my calling and where God wanted me, all the while I was floating around from different jobs, learning how to be a dad, and not know what the future would look like.

Life as a Pastor's Wife...Again

A few weeks ago, Alex was hired as the Youth Pastor at Community Church of Big Bear. With that comes so much joy and excitement, and also reminders of our life before. Before we were so hurt by a church that I didn't know how I would step foot in one again. Before we lost our home, our friends, our security, our dreams. It is bittersweet to be so reminded of the ministry we had in Kansas. This new life in Big Bear has taken the sting and pain that we've been living with since last summer, and even before, and transforming it. God is taking our story of pain and proving to us that He was in it, and that He has so much more than that for us. Our dreams there were small, and He wanted bigger. Our idea of joy was paltry compared to what we are now experiencing, and this new joy is nothing compared to what He has in store for us.

The past 6 months have been so full of change and uncertainty. And that hasn't completely gone away, but I have been seeing God answer prayers that I didn't even have the words to pray. We are being healed at this church in Big Bear. Alex is experiencing affirmation that is so new and foreign to him that he almost can't believe it. We have already been embraced into new friendships with people who are genuine and transparent, the kind of people that I hope I am. We have met an amazing group of youth kids who in so many ways remind us of the kids in Kansas that we loved and still love, but who are also fiercely unique and lovable.

Cat Lady

I've been practicing photography lately, since I want to be taking some (a bazillion) really good photos of Emmett once he's here. Who better than to be my models than Baby Kitty (full name: Trace) and Cooper?! (Can you tell that I get lonely at the house when Alex is at work? I'm sure that won't last long when I have my hands full with a baby!).

For these and other close ups, I've been practicing with my Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 II lens. This lens lets in a ton of light when the aperture is set to 1.8 and will cause a lot of background blur on a photo. This is definitely the look I'm going for with close-ups, especially of the baby. For wider shots, like the ones in the Christmas decorating post, I used my Canon EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS II SLR Lens, which does not create the same depth of field as the other lens (so, less blurry backgrounds). I have one other lens that is a super-zoom one, but I rarely use that because I generally am trying to take more close-ups, and I haven't been on a stake-out stalking anyone lately (or, you know, ever). I'm sure I will find a use for that lens someday though!

Just for fun, here are the kitty photos that I thought turned out pretty good. I haven't done any editing of these in iPhoto.. no brightening or adding contrast or changing the saturation or cropping. Nothing! I'm definitely getting excited for my new model, I can't wait to capture every little expression and smile and fat roll of that little man!

DIY Glitter Letter Canvases

When we left Kansas, I was highly encouraged (read: forced) to cut back on my possessions. We had to fit everything in a crate to be shipped, after all! When we arrived in California, I quickly realized that we had a lot more wall-space for frames and art and photos than we had before, and I had just recently trimmed back my wall-art collection. (Not by much, we still had multiple boxes full of frames, but I just love my wall collages!) Our bathroom upstairs had an especially large empty wall, so I rifled through my craft supplies in the garage to see what I could come up with for that space. The result was the following. A super easy, super quick craft that adds just the right feel to our "vintage" (1970's) bathroom, and moderns it up just a bit. 

I started with two large, blank, white canvases. 

I used painter's tape to block out stripes horizontally. I eye'd these and tried to separate each length of tape the same width as the tape, as to create even lines. It's not as hard as you'd think to make these straight. If you start with one end of the canvas, using the edge as a guide, you've got your straight line. And with painter's tape, I would just remove and re-set every time it looked a little off.

I did two canvases, but this project could be done with one or more, and of any size, depending on the space needing to be filled!

Christmas Decorating at the Lumberjackson Lodge - Big Bear Edition

A year ago, I posted photos of the first Lumberjackson Christmas! It was our first year of marriage, our first Christmas, our first home. So much has changed since then! Our first home is currently on the market, we've moved back to California and are living in Big Bear. We have a baby on the way, who is supposed to arrive on December 8th, our sweet dogs are in Missouri until sometime early next year, and we are spending the entire Christmas season in Long Beach waiting for our little Lumberjackson to arrive! With all of that, it doesn't seem practical to do a bunch of Christmas decorating... 

And yet, I thought it would be special to put up at least SOME decorations! It's a little early, but as Alex wrote about recently, our season of Advent has been extended this year. I also thought this would be a good opportunity to photograph a clean house and give a little tour of the lodge! So without further ado...

The kitchen! I love the size of this space and the nearly unused 70's appliances and the fact that our dining table fits in the middle of the room. I love eat-in kitchens. They feel so homey to me.

My parents re-painted the cabinets before we moved in here, they used to be a pretty awful wood (I normally love everything wood, but these just did not age well) and now they are bright and beautiful, and I especially love the pop of red on those lower cabinets on the right.

I've put up this little village ever since I lived in a dorm. It's evolved over the years with trees and better lights and glittery cotton for snow. It just has to go up every year!

Who Determines When The Snow Falls?

On Halloween night, it snowed. Apparently, this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced snow on Halloween. When I was younger and living in Kentucky there was a freak snow storm while I was trick-or-treating, but I don’t remember it all that well. And being in Southern California for most of my life, snow in October is not a common thing. Snow in general is not a common thing.

We got our seasons from the decorations at Disneyland and the seasonal offerings at the local eateries. “Pumpkin pancakes?! It must be Fall!” I think this is partly responsible for my love of all things Autumn and Christmas. I’m eating pumpkin flavored things the first Sunday of September, just because I wanna be in the spirit. I’m downing eggnog before we’ve even finished the Halloween candy. 

But this year is a little different. Little baby Emmett is due in December, so my Christmas plans are going on the back burner. Kate and I aren’t sure to what extent we will decorate the Lodge in Big Bear because we’re going to be staying with her parents when the baby comes. Since we can’t know for sure when the baby will come, we can’t know for sure when we’ll be heading back up the hill. There are so many questions, and so many unknowns. All because we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little baby.

So, when God blessed us with our first snow on Halloween night I decided to throw tradition to the wind and just go full Christmas. I’m extending the advent season by 100%. No longer will it be crammed into the space between Thanksgiving and Christmas, like Santa trying to fit in a coach seat. We’re moving him to first class! Making the advent last 2 whole months.

Now, I have my selfish reasons. I want to listen to Christmas music before it will be interrupted by newborn cries. I want to enjoy the smells of Christmas before they’re paired with fresh dirty diaper stink (read: stank). 

But I also think that this time of Advent is important. And this year may be the year that I understand Advent the best. Not just am I anxiously awaiting the celebration of the birth of our Saviour, I’m also anxiously awaiting the celebration of the birth of my first child.  

Our Maternity Photo Shoot!

Our dear friend Lyndsey took these photos for us when I was just about 34 weeks pregnant. I feel so immensely blessed to have gotten some intentional maternity photos, because the past 8 months have been so full of upheaval and change and moves and tiiiiight budgets that I knew I wouldn't be able to hire a professional photographer and pay hundreds of dollars for a session. When I thought about that, it made way more sense to wait until after the little guy is born and get those awesome photos with his sweet little face in them! But spontaneously, our close friends Josh and Lyndsey, were coming up for a visit in Big Bear and even more spontaneously, I asked if she'd be ok with taking a few photos of Alex and I, like a maternity shoot. I knew she was awesome at taking photos, and she had a fancy camera, and she took most of our wedding photos a couple years ago, so I was PUMPED when she said she would! 

I am so grateful, Lyndsey, and these photos turned out so beautifully. They hold an even more special place in my heart because I genuinely did not think I would be having maternity photos taken, and it means so much to me to have some last professional quality photos of Alex and I before our little boy enters the world. I think next time I need to start paying you! :)

Oh, painful night.

I got punched in the face tonight. It’s the first time in my life that has ever happened. And it was done by a very old, very drunk woman. 

I learned something. Getting punched in the face sucks, but not as much as getting a B- on a Book Review for your New Testament Introduction class. It falls somewhere in between stubbing your toe on a coffee table and having a really bad migraine.

I work as a bouncer at a venue on the weekends. Typically it’s pretty laid back. I stand there and look intimidating while I tear tickets and tell people there are no “ins and outs”. Occasionally a drunk person does something stupid, keeps things interesting.

But some nights they bring in a Country/Hip Hop artist. As in, both country and hip hop… at the same time. It’s not my cup of tea. It sounds like rap music without the rap or the music, and with a fiddle thrown in over it. But that’s not the worst part. It’s the confederate flags that seem to be plastered everywhere. It’s the big guy in the pit wearing a cowboy hat made out of a Bud Light box. It’s the amazingly drunk people doing amazingly ridiculous things. It’s not without its entertainment value. It’s certainly exciting, but as I said, it’s not my cup of tea.

I take these muscle-relaxers for my back when it flairs up. I know, I’m an old man. Being a bouncer means standing for 7+ hours straight, so I took one about halfway through my shift. No more than a minute after I take my pill my manager comes running up to me. “We need you in the pit. Now!”

Big Bear Living - In Pictures

After almost two whole months in California, I'm finally getting around to posting some Fall photos that we got the chance to take in Big Bear this season! It has been so breathtakingly beautiful up here in the mountains. Watching the seasons change is remarkable and something I am so grateful to witness.

How I Got Here pt. 1, or With the Faith of a Mustard Seed you can Move to the Mountains

Maybe it’s just a mistranslation, like a jot or tittle got erased somewhere along the way and we’ve been thinking of this whole thing wrong for years.


Maybe it’s “with the faith of a mustard seed, you can move to the mountains.”


That makes a lot of sense for me at least.


See, I want to tell you the story. I want to tell you about how I ended up in a completely different place, looking at unfamiliar ceilings, and fighting with God a lot. But as I try to find the beginning of the story, it seems like it is always eluding me. The puzzle still seems incomplete no matter how many pieces I add. So, I’m going to start at the end, and like the years of BC we’ll just keep counting up while going backwards until maybe we find where this whole thing started.


Let’s start with how I got to the mountains.

This Sucks.

This sucks.


There was this student at the church I worked at who was passionate about service. We had just finished a conference where we focused on the power of God’s grace and how it should encourage us to serve all people, no matter what their background or current situation was. The last day of the conference was on Sunday, so we had some students share stories in the main service about what happened. He stood up in front of the whole church and said something that would completely rock my world.


“Without grace, we would be screwed.”


That’s true, isn’t it?


Is there anyway to live this life without grace? Without forgiveness? And if there is a way to live without those things, is that a life worth living?


The need for grace, and the recognition of that need are the basis of the Christian faith. Grace should change the world, and knowing that we need it, that without it we would be screwed… well that’s something that should turn your whole life upside down.


So I wasn’t surprised to hear that people were upset about what he said. I was just surprised at what specifically upset them.


“screwed.”


It’s lewd language. It’s crass. It’s immature. It’s sexual, and aggressive, and it’s just wrong. So we don’t say it in church, and if we do we need to learn better, and grow out of our childishness and become true Christians.